It’s time to begin again … again.
Maybe this again will be the last again.
I’m a writer. Writers write. But again, if I write, will anyone care?
They used to, once upon a long time ago.
I was a reporter for the European Stars & Stripes and the Kenosha News, with a lot of military newspapers in between. There were stories about injustices to military folks; former war zones; features on cool people like the Bosnian shoeshine guy who made a few bucks off GIs and their muddy boots; ski resorts and wineries of Europe; a day-in-the-life playing a store Santa; school board shenanigans; local politics and so many more.
Besides news and features, I lucked into a weekly gig at Stripes as their television columnist. I was not qualified to be a TV critic, but neither was I qualified to be a veterinarian and my dog hasn’t complained about the neutering job from that “how-to” book on Reddit. Let’s be honest, is there really any specialized training or certification one must go through to criticize TV or neuter dogs? OK, maybe one of those.
Tube Talk and beyond
“Tube Talk” was one-part smarmy jokes, Qs and As and prize giveaways, and info on upcoming TV shows on the Armed Forces Radio and Television Service. Take it from me, that was a really big deal overseas before God created NetFlix. Probably had more smarmy jokes than TV stuff. I even snuck in a joke about how watching too much TV would make you go blind and give you hairy palms. Not sure how the editors missed that one.
“Your TV column doesn’t have anything to do with TV,” my coworker, Sally Toomey, told me once.
“What’s your point?” I laughed.
People liked it. I got paid. Win-win.
Years later at the Kenosha News, I talked editors into a weekly fitness column, as I searched for ways to get in shape, while still just a part-time reporter.
“Nobody just comes in and asks for a column two weeks after they start, and nobody gets a column like that,” another reporter said.
Apparently she tried and was told, “No.”
We called it “Finding Fitness.” It was one-part smarmy jokes, Qs and As and prize giveaways and some info on fitness from an everyday-guy-point-of-view.
People liked it again. I got paid again. Win-win again.
Well, not everybody. One column was about working out with dumbbells, which, I pointed out, weren’t NASCAR fans. NASCAR fans didn’t like that joke.
Writing is all I do
Look, I can’t fix a car or build a house. My dearly departed Dad — a 38-year cop — told me three months before he died, “I worked for a living. You write stories.”
That’s true.
There have been thousands of stories since this gig started in 1986. Some were good. Some were even great.
And some of them sucked.
Hey, have you listened to all of Elvis’ movie songs? They still call him The King. I’m no king, but maybe there’s something in this brain that flows to my fingers that’s worth reading.
Writing hasn’t made me rich but wouldn’t trade it for anything. What I didn’t make in big bucks these last three decades was made up in the thrill of skiing the finest powder mountains, writing about castles and camping in Europe, or even doing a story on a local girl in Kenosha who was denied a proper education in the local school district. She was failing classes and the district was failing her, not following their own rules. After our story, they transferred her, provided her services and she graduated high school with honors.
Endearing, smart, funny, witty, straight forward, insightful, whatever … there were a lot of stories. The biggest reward is making someone laugh or hearing how my words made a difference for someone.
I loved it. I miss it. I want it back.
Leaving a legacy
So we dance the dance of another blog again.
Tried that before. Not many cared. Maybe it was the platform; maybe it was me. People smarter than me say most blogs should only be 500 words max. I’m already at a lot more than that here. That doesn’t seem to bother Matt LaBash who writes looooooooooooooong, but has quite a following at Slack Tide. But he is a funnier, better writer. His story about a Golden Corral brawl where Mama June was “three knuckles-deep into the sweet corn pudding,” or how he tied snakes killing his bluebirds to death in the family, is the stuff I’d give up a body party to write. Just not my fingers. That would defeat the purpose. Subscribe to both of us to compare.
“Endearing, smart, funny, witty, straight forward, insightful, whatever … lot of stories. The biggest reward is making someone laugh or hearing how my words made a difference for someone.”
Maybe it doesn’t matter if anyone reads my words right now. I’ll be dead someday. There are less days in front than behind. Maybe this will be something my kids and grandkids read to know me better. Maybe it will take their mind off the fact I buried their inheritance, and they’ll have to find it like a treasure, with clues in the blog.
What will I write about? This seems like a good place to make a list:
- Fitness – “Finding Fitness” lasted three years and nine months until I left the paper for a PR gig. It even survived a new editor who wanted to kill it. Not a bad run. I’ve been fat and I’ve been skinny. Now I want to live to see my grandbaby, Ellie, grow. Definitely will have some fitness columns here.
- Letters to Ellie – A better father would already have a hundred letters written to his kids. Never followed through on that plan. I can do it with my grandbaby (who is adorable, by the way). I want her to know who she was before she will have memory of that time, and I want her to know me.
- Every-day-average-cool-people – Is that too many hyphens? Never an editor around when you need one. We all know these people. They have great stories to tell.
- Television — I took over “Tube Talk” from Stefan Alford when he left Stripes. We kept it running another two and a half years. So maybe. Certainly would be better than a weekly column on how to neuter your dog in the privacy of your own home.
- Anything. Everything. Nothing. – Nothing worked for Jerry Seinfeld. Anything works for other blog writers who do a little bit of everything. It will be me, about me and about others. A lot of random stuff about life, the world and living.
- Throwbacks – If there really were thousands of stories (there were), and if some of them were good, that would make a good Throwback Thursday post when there’s nothing else to write.
- Politics – Hmmm. Don’t know. That always pisses somebody off. So, yeah, probably some of that, too.
It’s a work in progress. I’m a complex onion with many layers. Or maybe I’m a greasy, deep-fried, blooming onion from Outback. Either way, that, too, has many layers. Hope you come along for the ride.
If you are reading this, I succeeded. If you didn’t give up reading 622 words ago, leave me a kind word. Tell me about your dog. Everybody loves dogs.
Share me with your friends and leave some feedback, good or bad. I won’t even ask you to pay for it. Or maybe I will, you cheap bastards!
Sorry. I should not call you names. That’s no way to build this relationship.
Time to stop talking, start doing and start making it happen again … again.